Fairy Garden of Eden

I was raised Pentecostal, a fear-based religious cult where my mother was a strict enforcer of the rules. We weren't allowed to listen to secular music or watch most things on TV. Everything had to be approved by my mother and the church. We were taught to fear God's wrath, judgment day, and the people outside the church. We were taught that our bodies were temples, but that mostly meant covering them up and dressing modestly. Tattoos and piercings were considered sinful, though somehow pierced ears on women were acceptable. There were plenty of double standards.

One of my earliest memories is from when I was around three years old. I was playing in the sprinkler with a neighborhood boy. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and swimsuits were uncomfortable to my sensory-sensitive, neurodivergent self, so I took my top off too. I didn't think anything of it. I got in huge trouble. I remember my mother's horror, but I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. That was the first time I learned that my body was something to be ashamed of.

I was always drawn to fairies and magical things, but I was taught they were evil. I wasn't allowed to make many choices about my body, my interests, or how I expressed myself. After I completed Missionettes and was crowned an Honor Star, I was finally old enough to join youth group. That's when the cracks began to form. I started questioning the idea that outward appearance had anything to do with how we were loved by our Creator.

I longed for any form of self-expression. Fashion was difficult within the strict guidelines, but I found creative ways around them. My grandmother had kept all of my aunts' and uncles' clothes from the 60s and 70s, and I pieced together my own style from those forgotten treasures. I also discovered I had a talent for rebellion. Church camp offered just enough freedom and just too little supervision. I became an expert at sneaking around and breaking rules whenever I thought I could get away with it. Looking back, I wasn't trying to be bad. I was trying to become myself.

I brought that same rebellious spirit into my art. I painted Fairy Garden of Eden while I was still censored, before I became an adult and was able to reclaim my autonomy. The painting itself was an act of protest. Its content alone would have been controversial in the church where I was raised. The nudity, the fairy imagery, the celebration of femininity, and the absence of shame all challenged the beliefs that had been forced upon me.

Fairy Garden of Eden imagines a different paradise. Not one built on fear and obedience, but one rooted in curiosity, beauty, and self-expression. A place where magic isn't evil, bodies aren't shameful, and wonder itself is sacred.